Post by Admin on Aug 19, 2020 2:33:57 GMT
The Origin of the Weekend as Told by Band Members
On the First Day of Band the Director became aware that instruments would be necessary. He gathered all the sticks and wood. He gathered all the animal hides. He crafted snares of metal and attached them to his drums. He created the tympani and the marimba, the xylophone and the bass drum, the glockenspiel and the bongos. He created all of the istruments who produce their sounds by pounding. And he called them the Bangy Things and saw that they were good.
On the Second Day of Band, the Director saw that not everyone wanted to bang on things. He therefore gathered up the horsehair and the strings, the bows and the amplifiers and he created instruments which produced sounds with strings. The cello and the viola, the hammer dulcimer and the banjo, the bass and the acoustic guitar. He produced all of the instruments which produce their sound with strings and called them Twangy Things and saw that they were good.
On the Third Day of Band, the Director saw that his sound was not yet completed and that not everyone had an instrument that suited them. So he gathered up the laquer and the wood, the cork and the keys, the reeds and the spit and he created instruments which made their sounds from vibrating reeds. The clarinet and the flute, the saxophone and the oboe, the bagpipes and the bassoon. He knew the risks to those who played them and called them the Dutch Elm Disease Inducing Instruments, but he heard their sound and it was good.
On the Fourth Day of Band the Director looked out upon his band and was dismayed for some members still had no instrument and his sound was incomplete. So he gathered up all of the brass and the valves, the mouthpieces and the water keys, the tuning slides, the mutes and the plungers. He created the trumpet and the French horn, the tuba and the baritone, the tenor horn and the mellophone. He created all of the instruments made of metal save one. And yet, he saw that not all members had instruments and his sound was not complete. His job was not done despite his best efforts. His effort to complete his band had failed. He therefore called them the Wastes of Brass, even though their sound was good.
On the Fifth Day of Band, the director determined to complete his masterwork. He viewed his remaining band members and saw that they were quick of wit and short of reverence, brave at heart but strange of mind, outgoing of countenance but lacking focus. The Director was frustrated by these students but saw their unbridled spirit. Upon this rock, he would build his band. And he grabbed up the last and best of his brass and spoke his most powerful invocation:
"One slide to rule them all
One slide to find them
One slide to bring them all
And in the music bind them"
And out of sheer power and will he formed the Trombone. Upon presenting it to his final band members, the Director saw that his work was finally set to begin and he proclaimed:
"That was awesome. Totes taking two days off. EARNED IT!!!"
Epilogue: Upon seeing the joy at the thought of his band at having two days off, the director saw that his band might get itself in trouble without his wisdom and leadership. He therefore excercised his Directorly prerogative to change his mind. He therefore looked out upon his band and proclaimed:
"Competitition tomorrow! Be here at five in the morning IN UNIFORM!"
And the band's weekend was complete.
On the First Day of Band the Director became aware that instruments would be necessary. He gathered all the sticks and wood. He gathered all the animal hides. He crafted snares of metal and attached them to his drums. He created the tympani and the marimba, the xylophone and the bass drum, the glockenspiel and the bongos. He created all of the istruments who produce their sounds by pounding. And he called them the Bangy Things and saw that they were good.
On the Second Day of Band, the Director saw that not everyone wanted to bang on things. He therefore gathered up the horsehair and the strings, the bows and the amplifiers and he created instruments which produced sounds with strings. The cello and the viola, the hammer dulcimer and the banjo, the bass and the acoustic guitar. He produced all of the instruments which produce their sound with strings and called them Twangy Things and saw that they were good.
On the Third Day of Band, the Director saw that his sound was not yet completed and that not everyone had an instrument that suited them. So he gathered up the laquer and the wood, the cork and the keys, the reeds and the spit and he created instruments which made their sounds from vibrating reeds. The clarinet and the flute, the saxophone and the oboe, the bagpipes and the bassoon. He knew the risks to those who played them and called them the Dutch Elm Disease Inducing Instruments, but he heard their sound and it was good.
On the Fourth Day of Band the Director looked out upon his band and was dismayed for some members still had no instrument and his sound was incomplete. So he gathered up all of the brass and the valves, the mouthpieces and the water keys, the tuning slides, the mutes and the plungers. He created the trumpet and the French horn, the tuba and the baritone, the tenor horn and the mellophone. He created all of the instruments made of metal save one. And yet, he saw that not all members had instruments and his sound was not complete. His job was not done despite his best efforts. His effort to complete his band had failed. He therefore called them the Wastes of Brass, even though their sound was good.
On the Fifth Day of Band, the director determined to complete his masterwork. He viewed his remaining band members and saw that they were quick of wit and short of reverence, brave at heart but strange of mind, outgoing of countenance but lacking focus. The Director was frustrated by these students but saw their unbridled spirit. Upon this rock, he would build his band. And he grabbed up the last and best of his brass and spoke his most powerful invocation:
"One slide to rule them all
One slide to find them
One slide to bring them all
And in the music bind them"
And out of sheer power and will he formed the Trombone. Upon presenting it to his final band members, the Director saw that his work was finally set to begin and he proclaimed:
"That was awesome. Totes taking two days off. EARNED IT!!!"
Epilogue: Upon seeing the joy at the thought of his band at having two days off, the director saw that his band might get itself in trouble without his wisdom and leadership. He therefore excercised his Directorly prerogative to change his mind. He therefore looked out upon his band and proclaimed:
"Competitition tomorrow! Be here at five in the morning IN UNIFORM!"
And the band's weekend was complete.